Friday, December 3, 2010
Matters of the heart
So I planned on writing up a post about my nook and how I always hated e readers until I had one. Yada Yada Yada. That was until I read Meg's post this morning. And well it just seemed so unimportant.
Every morning after I send Todd off to work I run upstairs coffee in hand to catch up on the latest bloggy news. For the most part the glimpses captured are homes neat, tidy, and decorated to the nines. That is not my house. I'm a stay at home, homeschool mom and I can't keep up. There are days I want to cry. Then there are days I've had enough. I just want to throw everything on the floor in black trash bags and put them at the curb. Right now as I'm sitting here typing there are 3floors in need of straightening and 4bathrooms that need a good scrubbing. If I turn my head to left, which I'm avoiding, there is a massive overfilled basket of dirty clothes I need to take to the basement. Our dinning room looks like the colored paper factory exploded. Dinner dishes are still in the sink. We couldn't afford the dishwasher that loaded itself. Don't judge! Everything will sit (except the dirty dishes, that would just be gross) until school is finished. It trumps the list. So don't you dare go ringing my doorbell before 2pm! ;)
Amid a lengthy list of struggles and hang ups blog world feeds the lie that I'm never good enough. My house will never look like a Pottery Barn ad and will never pass the white glove test. I am not a brilliant photographer with the latest and greatest camera. This is okay, I have to remind myself that everyday. I've always cared what people thought of me, craving acceptance. Whether it was in school, church, even blog world.
I read 1 Samuel 16:7 this week. It says, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Don’t judge by his appearance or height, for I have rejected him. The Lord doesn’t see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”
So you know what? It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter if I don't have a perfect house, an old southern charmer we overhauled. It doesn't matter that I don't have Country Living knocking on my door to do a photo shoot. It doesn't matter that I don't have any original craft ideas. It doesn't matter that I only have 13followers on my blog. God does not care about these things. He cares that I give Him my all. That I do what I can do with a joyful, thankful heart. That I be the wife, the help meet He has called me to be. He has graciously blessed me with 2boys. He cares that I raise them with tender love, showing them the way to Christ. He wants me to spend my time wisely, working towards the eternal things. Reaching out to the poor, the widows, the orphans, the hurting and the sick. Those are the things that matter the most, things of the heart.
Don't get me wrong. The Lord has blessed me with a wonderful home and many wonderful things. He wants to enjoy them and be a good steward. But I cannot make them my god, my world.